This Is Just NOT My Day

I guEss this is just NOT my day...

I startEd d day with anothEr usual fight with him. I'vE madE it clEarEr to him, day by day, of my intEntions. I noE hE lovEs mE too much to accEpt thE rEality. But I am a rEalistic pErson. LifE is gonna bE hard aftEr this, so what's d big dEal of having a hard lifE? LifE at prEsEnt is just not as Easy as it should bE and not as nicE as it sEEms...so taking a stEp away is just to simplify things.

ThE kiddos? Which onE is bEttEr? Living togEthEr with thEm constantly hEaring us quarElling and sEEing us fighting...OR...go on our own way and I could concEntratE morE on thE kids now that all d voicEs in my hEad is finally talking bout SANITY?

My wholE lifE is plEasing EvEryonE ElsE around mE. I'vE bEEn brought up with a clEar statEmEnt of "YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO BE SELFISH" writtEn all ovEr mE. I'm d EldEst in my family. I havE no frEE timE. I havE 4 siblings to bE takEn carE of whEn I was growing up (add anothEr onE whEn I wEnt to UiTM Shah Alam)...my parEnts was vEry strict towards mE cEz I was not allowEd to go out from thE housE ExcEpt to school, tuition classEs (only 2 yEars from 11 yEars of schooling timE)...sEldom that thEy allowEd mE to go out with frEns (until latEr whEn thEy noE who my frEns arE cEz I don't havE many frEns, thEy arE COUNTABLE)...if I EvEr had d pErmission to go out, I havE to bE back bEforE Maghrib (sunsEt)...

I didn't havE d luxury of playing with barbiE dolls likE othEr gurls my agE (lols!) or any othEr gurls things cEz I grEw up with 3 othEr bros, and only 1 sis (I usEd to HATE hEr!!!)...so wE had our fights in boys ways..aiya!!! It was rough...I wEnt from a fEmininE gurl to a tomboy!!! ThEn I had anothEr idEntity crisis cEz I'm stuckEd in bEtwEEn (a fEmininE sidE of mE vs d rough n tough sidE of mE). I just followEd what was thE bEst in my parEnts' viEw...I am not choosy at all. I lovE plEasing thEm cEz its a daughtEr's obligation towards hEr parEnts.

WhEn it camE to choosE what I lovE doing, thEn I am forEvEr at lost. I lovE arts...drawing, painting, poEtry..etc etc, and my dad dEspisEd it. HE kEpt mE away as fas as I could possibly rEach from anything to do with arts. So aftEr SPM, I havE no choicE of pursuing my lovE in arts so I obediEntly took a Diploma in ExEcutivE sEcrEtaryship (I rEally hatE this coursE cEz its so fEmininE haha!)....so its still in d samE boat...anothEr thing to plEasE my parEnts...

ThEn I mEt him, and what to do? I lovEd him too much so I did what I am good at...plEasing him. I dumpEd all my frEns, my wholE lifE and EvEn d timE with my family just to bE with him. And lifE goEs on...wE got marriEd, havE two kids and karma is paying mE back. ThE things dat I lEft out was catching mE up....and madE mE rEalizEd dat lifE EvolvEs on EVERYTHING...not just onE pErson.

Anyway....I dunno why on Earth I typEd all this. Till prEsEnt, I am still arguing with him on thE phonE. Dunno...THIS IS JUST NOT MY DAY!!!

To add up to all my angEr...my lady boss tidiEd up my workplacE!!! BIG NO-NO...in Malay, mEmang PANTANG TOK NENEK AKU!!!!!!!!!!! SEcrEtariEs don't writE, thEy scribblEs...now I had to dig up a pilE of scribblEd shit to find my list of jobs...accordingly!!! Stupid bitch!!! Right now, I just wish shE just drop dEad...not waking up anymorE and givE mE all d troubles....I think d bitch is quitE lucky cEz I havE comE SO CLOSE of slapping hEr facE rEal hard or EvEn smacking hEr or etc etc (d dEvils in mE wants morE actually)....but I hold mysElf and I think I'll just wait for my boss to comE back from outstation (actually hE wEnt to KL to scrEw his girlfriEnd lols). ThEn, I'll tEll him to makE surE his wifE won't bothEr touching my workplacE EVER AGAIN or shE will rEgrEt doing it aftEr I say "thank you" to hEr (in my OWN word!)....

NOT MY DAY...JUST NOT MY DAY...

DUHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!